Wednesday, February 26, 2014

心。复杂

人生有很多抉择需要我们去做。
那成果如何,
开不开心,
却只有自己最懂。
连最好的朋友也只能大约的关心你,
他们根本不懂你的感受。

做了改变
还是一样,
作了个笨选择
在乎了他人的感受,却忘了内心的自己
一直都是那样
选择亏待自己,福利大众。。。
滥好人一位

被某些人当假想敌已经一年了
本来决定好不去理会的
怎知 越来越过分
一直向我炫耀
人家都没有想过要跟你争
炫耀个屁!!!

现在弄到我有点在乎那件事
有点激到我了!!!!
不然酱好了
我跟你争好吗?
让你的幻想变成真实?
莫名其妙!!!!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

过渡期

新的学期又开始了。再次回到USM,整个感觉完完全全180度的改变了。

突然间,朋友都不见了,一个一个慢慢离去了;
突然间,不太爱群体活动,在大家一起走的时候,选择了音乐的陪伴;
突然间,喜欢一个人静静地发呆,才发现呆在房间,也是一种乐趣;
突然间,感觉我的世界好像与他人的世界格格不入;
突然间,把心关的紧紧地,谁也进不来;
突然间,看着镜子的自己,感觉很陌生,她到底是谁?
突然间,发现我变得不一样了,怎么找也找不回了。。。

学期才刚开始,哪来的那么多的突然间?
一直很努力的想找出原因,
问了自己的心很多次了,
但,我好像还是找不到真正的答案。

有时候,我真的很怕历史重演;
有时候,我真的不想伤害他人;
有时候,想着想着,开始讨厌自己,开始害怕跟某个人太好了。。。

我,到底在意什么?
心,你到底发生什么事了?
我的心,你几时才愿意说出真心话?
嘴巴,你几时才要开始行动?
振霓,你到底怎么了?真的变了吗?
还要一直欺骗自己,我需要多一点时间?这是个过渡期吗?

我拜托你,别再给自己一个借口了。
心,我知道你明明还会介意,还在默默地关心着她;
头脑,你别再想那么多了,跟着心走;
嘴巴,拜托你,主动点!!!

我真的不想让历史重演,
不想历史重演,
不想再尴尬下去了~~~


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Internship

Internship
Internship seems like a long term of training camp for me. It train the way I think, the way I work with people around me, and it actually show me who am I. I really appreciate that I being assigned to CBS team although throughout internship period, I did complain lots.
I was being offered by both Seagate and Altera Company at the early of April. However, I rejected Altera just because I don’t like the manager (quite funny + stupid reason). And after that I actually got a little bit regret to reject Altera just because such stupid reason. However, till the end, I still very grateful that I choose Seagate as my internship company. 
Although I being bully much in Seagate, but I cannot deny that I really learn much if compare with my friends. I was thrown as much as work that I able to do (just because they think I am capable enough). I was the busiest intern in Seagate. I seldom have the time to relax, to chat with other intern. What I always did during working time was face computer, chat with my end user and did coding. Crazy and I actually very jealous other intern as they have their own free time to watch movie, chat with others, scrolling fb during working hour. However, from what I heard from them, they also jealous of me as I can learn so much, able to teach people, able to communicate with end user throughout this period. Ya, I admit it, those are a very good and memorable experience for me. And I actually miss those moments in Seagate after my internship end. What a crazy thinking, I have a thinking want go back continue do coding and work together with my colleague. I think I should be crazy already as I have such thinking.
By the way, I think I miss moment in Seagate just because I got a very caring mentor. Her name is Mandy. She teach me lots of things although she always on leave or go training. Haha, I still remember my first month in Seagate; she got two week plus not coming working. She was the person always worry and encourage me to pick up the challenge. Give me to handle the project alone, to communicate with the end user alone, guide a new hire to handle a big application worry about me when I not concentrate with my things, and praise me in front of my manager. Even when she on vacation, she still come and check my progress, check on my presentation slide. All her action actually makes me feel warm. When I face any difficulties or cannot gain trust from project manager, she always are the one who help to explain and solve the things. She always says guiding me is her responsibility but I don’t think so. I was being assigned to under her, but she can just throw the task to me and dun care me anymore. She always busy with her task and still have to take care of me. Because of her, I feel like I not an intern but a part of Seagate employee. I being treat fairly and I able to behave like an employee. That is what I really feel touch and thanks to her sincerely.
Those moments in Seagate, I can say got up and down. I always the one who get play around by my colleagues, I am the joke during cbs weekly meeting, being fooled and get bullied. I cannot believe that, I get played until my farewell party. At that farewell party, I really can feel that my colleagues wish I can come back to work in Seagate again because I am one of their Pistachios. I thought I will be a different person, more mature when step in working environment. But from the way my colleague treat me, I seem like still a little girl in front of me.  A pure, silly, always smile, responsible, dedicated and always think about others girl. That is what they comment on me. It seem like no different with my behavior in uni. Dunno is a good thing or not. Haha…
Below is the message from my dearest mentor:
Dear Jenny:
We will surely miss you. Hope you enjoy your final year in USM before you step into working environment. I am so happy to have you as my teammate, a responsible, dedicated and quick learner. Continue your good spirit and wish you have a good future. Jiayou!!!
FROM your “best” mentor
Comment from my manager:
Chin Nei came to Seagate as an intern but in a short period of working exposure, she has ramped up her learning curve to learn Force.com development to be a full developer. She was given full exposure to software engineer's life for leading eLeave application right by adopting full Agile development lifecycle till application deployment. In that course of time, her communication skill and analytical skill improved vastly. She was able to articulate and participated actively in all the communications between with end users and put into perspective the right kind of development needed. She was quick to solve all tasks assigned to her. Her constant walkthrough with her mentor has increased her confidence and vastly improved her technical skills. I look forward to see her career growth with this kind of right aptitude.


I was very happy and appreciate that I have the chance to work with everyone in CBS team. Keep in touch. ^^

Monday, January 28, 2013

发明星梦?


最近不知为什么开始追星起来了。没错,就是那位还蛮傻的橘子头,狮子女,Nicole赖淞凤。真的也不知道为什么,开始喜欢上她了,而且追的还蛮疯狂的,在考试期间还继续留意他的消息;会因为她拿到低分而心疼。这应该是所谓的追星吧。。。看着他的比赛过程,才开始慢慢的喜欢上他。喜欢他比赛的那个心态,得失心不重,面对任何事对保持微笑;虽然哭点有点低,但哭完后还是那么的倔强,坚强的继续走下去。这一切一切,都是我应该去学习的。不懂为什么,我总觉得她还蛮像我的,傻乎乎的,很直率外带有点可爱,很讲义气;但她真的比我成熟很多很多。(连我的前室友都讲她的行为有点像我,好傻)。可能是因为这个原因吧,总把她当成是我学习的对象;才把她当偶像那样崇拜。哈哈。
最近,放假了。在家闲着没事做,又开始关注另一位星光的傻大姐,曾沛慈。她是来自星光二班的。(怎么我都当傻瓜是偶像呢?)看着这位傻大姐慢慢的从一个素人变到开始慢慢的拥有小小的粉丝团,让我又在开始发明星梦了。我一直都很喜欢唱歌,但却还蛮怕在陌生人或大家面前唱。还记得有些人说我唱歌还不赖,邀我一起去学习唱歌,我连想都不想就拒绝了。最大的原因应该是我没有勇气,我不想把我的兴趣变成我天天练习的东西,我不喜欢把它拿来与其他人做比较。就好像有些人问过我,为什么你的数学酱厉害,不去主修数学呢?不懂叻,我就是不想,我不喜欢把我的兴趣和考试或压力连在一起。所以,看着他们一路的比赛,我真的很崇拜那些人。有些人真的是打从心底爱唱歌而去唱的,他们那个很敢做的行为,那个勇气我真的很欣赏。还记得上次我连信任队友那个游戏的勇气都拿不出来。(上次还差点被逼去玩那个游戏,如果真的要倒下去的话,我想我应该会在那边站几十分钟吧。。。哈哈)我想我真的要好好的训练我那颗胆小的心。
唱歌或听歌都让我很高兴,有什么心事听一下歌,心情很奇妙的就会好起来了。不懂为什么音乐对我来说就是有那股力量,当我开心是让我更开心,当我伤心时陪我疗伤。我只是单纯的爱唱歌,单纯爱音乐。我是爱音乐的孩子^^。实习要来咯,可能在这六个月我会有所改变。

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

无奈


忙里抽闲,写一写自己最近的心情。这个学期又要完了,总觉得时间过得很快很快。就那样,半年又在不见了。而在这半年,我除了吃喝玩乐,好像都没作出什么东西来,或许人生没有目标就是那么的可悲。我不像其他人一样想要考取好的成绩,没有什么抱负,没想过我要的东西是什么,日子就是那样得过且过,过着毫无意义的生活。从来也没有想过,这样的人生好像缺了什么,有时自己还蛮享受在其中;那种无忧无虑的渡过每一天。。。我,第一次觉得我好像有点失败。。。
第一次,那样觉得我很失败。每次遇到问题时,我总会为自己找一大堆的借口,让自己的心好过一点。今天的test game,看到别人的勇敢,再反观回自己;觉得我真的很失败。为什么我会那么的害怕?是自己本来就不愿意跨出那一步还是其他原因?为什么我每次遇到事情时总会找个人来依靠,找一大堆的借口安抚自己的心灵。别人都可以克服自己心里的障碍,那我为什么一直为自己找借口。今天,真的很气很气我自己。感觉上我还是个小孩子,常常要得到别人的鼓励,别人的认可,别人的帮助;我应该独立一点,应该自立,应该鼓励其他人,应该成熟点,为什么我就是逃不出那个框框呢?为什么我不能看起来成熟点呢?无奈,我真的很无奈。。。

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

思考。抉择


最近,老实说心情真的有点糟。大部分都关于到课业。开始觉得我无法让人喘得过气,开始觉得其他人跟我一组好像很委屈他们。我永远都无法了解到其他人的想法,喜欢硬硬的把自己的想法套在其他人的身上。我, 好像是佛教徒;我,好像不应该这样子;我,明明就知道那么多的佛法,这些都是师父所讲过的,退一步海阔天空;但,我还是办不到。与其说我办不到,在现实生活中实践不到佛法,不如说我不想,我不想把自己变得那么的理性;我偶尔也想让自己的情绪控制自己,让自己像发癫式的骂人,将其他人背后的坏话,很想很生气很生气的指责他人。但是,不知道为什么,当遇到当事人时,就是没办法骂出口。一直都在背后讲他们如何对待我,一直向某人讲我有多可怜,一直投诉,都不会想办法去解决它。我真的好傻、好傻。
我的朋友都说我很傻,很善良,很容易被欺负。我,真的是那样吗?我只是懒惰去吹别人做东西;我只是尝试多站在别人的立场想;我只是爱带给大家欢乐;我只是。。。不想变得太成熟,想做回我自己,原来的我。现在开始在思考,我是否应该改掉这种性格,工作了,将要面对那残酷的现实世界了,这种性格应该会被欺负到够够力。我那种一直活在别人的眼光下的性格,要改吗? 不懂,可能这种天真,开朗的性格真的会随着时间慢慢的不见掉。残酷的现实,哈哈。。。
P.s.:为什么我每次烦的都不是课业而是人际关系啊?难道,我真的应该硬一点,做事严厉和坚决一点

Friday, November 2, 2012

埋怨

不懂为什么,很多事情我不喜欢的,我都不想讲出来了。我其实真的很气,为什么我的组员都没有在限定的时间内完成工作。当我在忙着打report时,他们却在做着别的事情。我明白他们有很多事情做,但是为什么我也有很多东西要做,我却能完成。他们说我做东西很efficient,能在短时间内做完。现在,我发现到我越来越不能了解那些人了。为什么我能完成的东西,他们却不能完成。为什么我就应该那样呢?如果真的无法兼顾活动和功课,那就应该做些取舍。我不想再那样,什么事情都是我做,都是我策划到完。
是我太自我了吗?是我要求太高了吗?是我的问题吗?我只是不喜欢做最后一分钟的功课,我不喜欢半夜赶功课的感觉。太多的埋怨,让我现在很不爽。我不懂该怎样跟他们说出我的感觉,我不懂该如何吹他们。我的功课,这次的功课就那样让他们自己解决吧。我不想再吹了。我只做好自己的part就好了。等人的感觉真的很不好!!!

埋怨还是埋怨。埋怨完后还是要跟他们一起合作。还有七个礼拜,加油吧。。。我只想我的科目可以及格而已。我不期盼能拿到好成绩了。