Monday, April 18, 2011

18-4-2011 (Monday)

Just like my last post , I still feeling that I don’t want to be senior … “Senior ” sound like very old , although I already being many people senior … Haha , but it also mean that I not a fresh man in USM already … Hehe , I will be dai dai ka jie … But , today I am going to talk about my PE life . It might be long a bit , but really meaningful to me . These are the proof that I had being grow up a lot.

From the start of the 1st year , I just want to find out Buddhist society since Brother yi ming told me that USM Buddhist society can learn lots of things and yet I find it since I entered USM . But , at last I only found it when is 3rd week after school start . Yup , it quite late but thank to yi ming , I finally participate the USM Buddhist society which we call PPB in USM . Hehe I meng meng dong dong de jiu become a PE (Penolong Exco) and because of this , I really learn lots of things . (Thank to my beloved two exco 1st ).

From PPB , I learn that if we want to organize something , we must set an objective 1st and after that we follow the objective to do the activity . Yup , I haven’t being trained like that before , and sorry to say that the activity I organize before , I feel quite meaningless . Last time , I just do only , I did not care about others feeling , I did not care about others situation , I did not care that whether they can learn something or not . What I did is , boss (pengarah , or camp chief) ask me to do a camp in order to success , then I did so only . Sorry for that , my last partner , I not mature enough and perhaps it did not burden u all .

I know those things but I wonder can I apply it when I back to BBA . I scare that there people sometimes cannot accept and at last I know I will give up to persuade them . ^^ , ya that is my behavior . I hope that I can change it through this ad hoc project (MO). It really a good chance for me to grow even faster , although quite impossible for me to handle this post well . When I agree to handle this post , I had a feel , the feeling is just like when cc ask me to be program member . That is what I haven’t try before and yet I sure that I will be grow up since I have to stand lots of stress . And I hope that I wouldn’t give up so easily just like what I did last time . This time is different , there are lots of friend to help me when I suffer . UNDER A DHAMMA ROOF , WE SHARE AND CARE . That is the slogan of PPB , and now all of us , PE apply it very well . Even some of us did not become exco , we still stick together and share the happiness and sadness with each other .

I still remember that when I participate the aktiviti kebajikan for the first time , got a senior called derrick ask all PE the reason we joined PE . That time, I answered that I want to learn something and yet he laugh at me. Hehe, it quite a serious and abnormal answer but it really come from my deep heart. And yet, at last I really learn lots of thing and derrick look like also found that I had change. ^^ , from lazy to learn Buddhism to become interest to know more. Although sometimes I will skip class , but at last I will not feel that dharma class is boring leh … ^^ , it is a change because I always sleep at class but when attend to dharma class I did not sleep at all (sometimes will take note). I not sure that whether my attitude got change or not , but I try my best to apply what I have learn in the real world . ^^ … I think today write till here 1st lah . next time share again . I go study lo … bye bye

going to end my 1st year life

time pass so fast .. my 1st year life going to end soon .. i going to be ppl's senior ade ... arghh , y leh ... i dun like to be others senior , i want always young .. but i know , those things wun happen de .. ^^ , dun saja write only ...

recently , be naib pengarah of mo (minggu orientasi ) . i noe i cnt do it well , but i being forced to handle this post , coz they like to give chance for us to learn . i try my best to make sure my mission going well . But , there are nothing perfect , i found that i sometimes really feel very stress ... they want me think everything . Yup , is a very good chance to learn , but i need to grow up within two weeks ... really stress , i dun like that feeling . it seem like last year teenagers camp ,. Yup , cnt deny that i really grow up much , but i really dun like that feeling . WILL STRESS TILL ME KI SIAO . And at last , found that i learn skill only , how to manage my time , how to do a camp , bt not to manage my feeling ... I noe i have to find someone to console me , but sometimes really hard to find that person . The exco find me to slove the problem , but I ONLY FIRST YEAR STUDENT. I noe when i talk like that , they will feel that i not responsible enough ... that y , i keep silent , i waiting myself to ki siao ..

and yet , i go find pengarah to talk such things when i can manage my feeling well . Yup , i am that kind of person , i dun like to make others worry about me . Sometimes , i feel like want to give up, when they ask me want to handle this post or not , i ade noe , i cnt accept , i have the responsibility to do it well . yup , minggu orientasi is a big project , i dun1 to spoil it ... But , now . I pick up this post , whatever situation i have to face it .

^^ , exam is coming , but i still have the feel to writing these and those ... look like i really have much stress on this post ...
Anyway , gambateh !!!

p/s : next time write about my pe life

Monday, February 28, 2011

a brand new mood and day

long time din come here ade ..
may be i too busy with my activity
haha , may be i quite lazy , or i dun have any special mood to write

but now ,
i think i got something to write ade

i think this is the 1st time ,
i have the mood to join buddhist camp again .
i not sure y i have that feeling
but i can say
this coming holiday
i will go to ju shi lin to join camp
actually not to join camp lah ,
i to be fu tao yuan

this is what i decide in this sem ,
i wan continue to learn fo fa ,
after learn , i wish i can pass to the younger generation ,
no wonder got what obstacle ,
no wonder which association ,
no wonder i have how many friend at there ,

i duno y i will have those feeling ,
but i really hope that i can do so .
灯灯相续,还要传 ,
为了佛法,为了众生!

Friday, January 7, 2011

recent mood

just get my result and finish LG ( activity for buddhist society ). Dunno y i got a down feeling. May be i started emo again...
1st , 4 of my fren get the dean list , quite sad that y i cnt get it, but may be i din work hard for last sem... hehe, for the whole sem , i just play facebook and only social with others people. May be that is ok too, because i never think about my future , for me fun is everything . I dun like to get any stress ? BUT , I REALLY WISH TO GET DEAN LIST . my core grade is nice , but i noe i can get a better result , but i just nid to work harder in order to cover my poor languages.

For this sem, i will taking 2 math subject. My roomate say is quite easy for me to get a dean list for this sem. coz she think i am nice in math... But , i still sleeping in the class, din touch the book... I START WONDER WHY I BEHAVE LIKE THAT ? izit to show off that i clever enough ? my coursemate just ask me a question.

she said : hey jenny , i din saw you pay attention when in class. Then why u still come to the class? Why dun you sleep in your room?

That time i really speechless . I have no idea what i can reply her . Perhaps i can run away from that lecturer class.. ><, may be some of my coursemate think that i am clever enough and no nid to listen to the class, may be my behaviour will disturd their learning ...

may be i should change my behave, start to working hard...

Sunday, December 26, 2010

2010 之12月篇

又回来了;
那熟悉的地方;
原本没什么想回的;
因为已经没什么感觉了;
但, 不知道为什么,
还是,回去了;

回到后,才发现,
我。。。做了错的选择;
我是不应该回的;
既然,知道了。。。我并不能做出什么;
那, 还去做么?
闲着没事做,还是慢慢的观察别人;
然后让自己越来越讨人厌、
发现越来越不能融入人群?

或许,是自己的问题;
我, 变得越来越自闭了、
自大、自以为是吧。。。

新的学期又来了,
上个学期的成绩
还算过得去。
只有马来文需要在重考;
这学期,就努力一点咯;
反正成绩对我来讲,
不是很重要;
过程才室最重要的!!!



Sunday, October 24, 2010

再次,乱想了

最近不知做么,前一阵子是高兴的;
现在,却低落到谷底。。

发现,原来高兴的背后是低潮;
所以才有乐极生悲这句成语;
发现,原来一直把伤心的事埋进心里;
没去好好的处理;
才会有现在的悲伤;
发现,每次都是那样;
很讨厌的东西,一律都藏在心里;
喜欢的东西,就整天挂在嘴边;
天天都告诉自己:要开心;
却忘了告诉自己:要解决心理的问题;
环保自己的心灵,学到了;
但,我又去应用吗?

明明自己有一大堆的问题;
却在别人面前,扮得很潇洒;
明明一点都不会;
但,还是不去问和解决;
林振霓,你啊...
几时才能变得真的成熟啊?
怪不得,别人都讲你幼稚;
活该!!!

P/S:
可能是自己想太多东西了;
一时控制不了自己的情绪;

Saturday, October 2, 2010

emo .... but finally there will be a sunshine for me

sometimes, i am emo... i got many feeling 1na express... mayb sometimes i think too much already, may be the thing is not complicated as i think. But, dunno y, i love to think it as complicated as i can... hehe, perhaps this is the structure of my brain... then , i can solve many question by using my "complicated" brain... getting console by my roomate, but since like nothing change with my brain.. it still function like that, i wonder that izit i will behave like that for this 4 years??? if really like that, then surely i will be suffer for this 4 year...

Sometimes, i dun like people behave too kind to me... Dunno, may be i love to independent, i like to do everything by myself... mayb i miss my fren at butterworth, i scare if u all always behave like that, i will .... ^^... mayb uni's life is like that 1. but i say it truthly, i really dun like this lifestyle, i perfer my own lifestyle.. i dun1 be controlled by someone...

**情绪,不一定要讲出来;讲了出来,有时候会惹来更多误会;那,我选择沉默**